What are pronouns?

Pronouns are the words we often use to talk about a person when we’re not using their name. These might be he/him, she/her, they/them or other pronouns. Some people use one set of pronouns (eg. Pablo uses he/him pronouns) and some people use more than one (eg. Samira uses she/her and they/them interchangeably). Some people change the pronouns they use at different points in their life, and making sure we use their new ones is an important part of respecting them.

In English, pronouns are gendered, which means that the pronouns we use often refers to that person’s gender. However, because we can’t always tell someone’s gender just from looking at them, we can’t really know what pronouns to use for someone until we ask them.

Asking what someone’s pronouns are might feel weird at first, but it quickly becomes something you do automatically. A good way to start is to offer your own.

“It's nice to meet you. I'm Kendra, and I use she/her pronouns, what pronouns do you use?”

Other great ways to offer your pronouns are to include them in your email signature, social media profile, or on your business card. Not only does this mean people will always know to use the correct pronouns for you, but it helps to normalise talking and asking about them.

Why do we even use pronouns?

We use pronouns so we don’t have to repeat a person’s name over and over again in a sentence. For example, this sounds very clunky:

“Mark made pasta and Mark put cheese on top and then gave me a bowl and then Mark and I sat at the table and ate”

Whereas when we use Mark’s pronoun (they/them), it sounds much clearer.

“Mark made pasta and they put cheese on top and then gave me a bowl and then we sat at the table and ate”

In English, we use pronouns all the time, often without realising we’re doing it. Pronouns are the very first tiny step to being trans affirming.

Let’s get technical

By definition, pronouns are a small number of words used in place of a noun or noun phrase.

Stop: Grammar Time

Noun: Words used to describe people, places, or things. 1

Noun phrase: a group of words that function as a single noun, consisting of a noun and a modifier (such as an adjective). Ie. “Man” is a noun, and “The man” is a noun phrase. 2

The most used pronouns are personal pronouns, which include:

•          I (1st person)

•         You (2nd person)

•         He / She / They (3rd person)

They are called personal pronouns because they refer to people. Using the term preferred pronouns is not necessary, as it means the same thing as “pronouns” - we all use the ones we prefer.

But wait, there's more

There are a lot of other forms of pronouns, including interrogative, possessive, demonstrative, relative, reflexive, and indefinite - read more at Merriam Webster 3

What are gender neutral and neo pronouns?

While the most common pronouns are he/him/his and she/her/hers, other sets of pronouns are used by people all the time.

The most common neutral pronouns are they/them/theirs, which many of us use all the time without thinking, especially for people whose gender we don’t know or aren’t sure of.

Singular gender neutral pronouns are not only grammatically correct, they’ve been around for centuries. Gender neutral pronouns are also a polite and easy way to refer to someone whose gender you’re unsure of.

“They left their umbrella at the restaurant.”

“I waved for the bus driver, but they didn’t stop.”

“Do you know who left these flowers for me? I want to thank them.”

Neo (or new) pronouns are used as an alternative to ‘they’, and include xe/xem/xyr, ze/hir/hirs, ey/em/eir, and more 4. While the most common neo-pronouns were introduced in the late 20th century, they have been documented in some English dialects since the 18th century.

For more information, visit our page on Pronouns.

 

‘Ey has a word for it’ by Judie Black, in the Chicago Tribute, August 23, 1975. Note the use of the term ‘transgender’ to describe not trans people, but to describe a word that is outside of binary gender!

 

Why is using the right pronouns important?

Using the language people ask us to use for them is not only polite, it’s the right thing to do. Whether someone is using new language for the first time, or has been using it for years, it’s just as important to make sure the ways we refer to them are correct and affirming.

For many trans people, it’s also important to use the right language for them even when talking about them historically, including their pronouns. If this feels difficult, try to think about using their name instead so you get the hang of not using old and incorrect language.

“When Hannah was a toddler… Hannah said the funniest things.”

Sometimes it can take a while to get used to the new words someone uses to talk about themselves, but using them and celebrating these changes are a great way to show them that you care about who they are, and are taking their lead that what they are telling you is important.

Allies corner

Visibly supporting the trans people in your life can include adding your pronouns to your email signature, business card, or social media profile, and making sure to offer your own before asking other people their pronouns without making assumptions.

Sharing your pronouns in an email signature is easy and helps to reminds people that pronouns can’t be assumed. Here’s an example:

Kind Regards,

Alison Ally

My pronouns: she/hers (more on pronouns here)

It’s important if you’re asking people their pronouns, you ask everyone, and not just the people who you think might “look trans”. Check out our download Words Matter for more information.