Self-care
The term self-care is used all over the place, from kombucha ads and expensive luxury items, to wellness influencers and health brands. But what does trans self-care mean, and why are we talking about it here?
Our version of self-care isn’t about buying things or “treating ourselves”, it’s about meaningfully taking care of ourselves, which includes whatever nourishes, sustains, heals and enriches us.
Sometimes these things can be trivial, or indulgent, but just as often they’re hard work. Ultimately though, we are giving ourselves the tools we need to stay strong.
Living in the world as a trans person can be very depleting, let alone when we need to stand up and advocate for ourselves. Caring for ourselves, whether or not it’s about building our resilience, allows us to not only survive but thrive, having the energy to do the things we want, to support our friends and community, and to be our most authentic and euphoric selves.
What do you think of when you hear the term self-care?
Audre Lorde writes in A Burst of Light that “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
In A Burst of Light, she writes about the social determinants of health too, about how certain demographic groups are rendered more vulnerable through historical and present acts of violence, and that one answer to that violence is to care for herself.
Just like Audre Lorde, we also see self-care as a radical, subversive and political act for marginalised communities, especially within a world that considers some lives more valuable than others.
Self-care, like all care work, takes intention and energy, this will differ from person to person.
We can think about self-care as looking after our wellbeing:
Physically, such as exercising or stretching, eating foods that make us feel good, going and seeing the doctor when you get a weird ache or are running low on your hormones, acupuncture, or getting enough hours sleep
Socially, such as hanging out in a park with a friend, giving them a phone call or text, or playing a game over voice chat, being in touch with your family (whatever form your family takes, biological or chosen)
Mentally, such as doing things you know are calming, or invigorating, meditating, reading a favourite book, learning something new, practicing some mental health care work, doing something that isn’t work-related, letting yourself relax, keeping a journal or regular art process, or turning off your notifications for a bit
Emotionally, such as reflecting on reasons you love yourself and your friends, finding small achievements you’ve already done today, talking to someone about how you’re feeling, writing down three good things about your day
Spiritually, such as reflecting practices like prayer or meditation, connect in with culture and country, going to worship, getting out into nature or into water, or caring or being cared for by someone you love
It can be helpful to break self-care down into categories, for example, activities that are high energy and low energy, or things that require money and don’t require money. Not only does thinking of things under these headings help us to consider more options, but it can help us ensure we are able to care for ourselves even when we’re having a bad time, or are in an off season.
| High energy | Low energy |
|---|---|
Make a playlist Soak in the sun at a local park Go for a walk around your block and try to find something new to stop and look at Making a present for a friend or for yourself Baking something delicious Write a letter to your past self | A 15 min youtube yoga session Self pamper time Reaching out to someone you trust and having a text chat Putting on your favourite movie Light a candle and make your space a bit warmer Make a blanket fort |
As long as you’re not doing something that’s harmful to you, there’s no right or wrong answer about what your self-care might look like. That’s where the self comes from in the first place – you’re the boss of what you doing, but that also comes with a responsibility to follow through and care for ourselves.
Developing a plan for your self-care
In the same way we might plan for different seasons, or plan the kinds of gender affirmation we’d like to do, planning for how we look after ourselves is a great way to know we’ll be okay even if the going gets tough. So how do we develop a self care plan?
Remember that self care is something that you deserve. Think of these steps as maintenance to help you stay afloat.
Fill out the self care plan below, or draw one up on a blank sheet of paper.
The first half of the plan is for filling in with activities you like to do and/or feel healthy and caring. You can use some of the examples above, or Google ‘self care activities’ and see what feels good to do.
Keep it somewhere you can reach easily, like on the back of your bedroom door, next to your bathroom mirror, or as the homepage for your browser.
Make a commitment to care for yourself, you don’t have to stick to the plan exactly but take a second to think about how you might feel if you are follow your plan’s steps.
If the plan isn’t working for you, that’s good to realise. What can you change to make it work better?
If you feel up to it, check in with a friend, loved one, or counsellor, about the plan along the way. This could be letting them know you’ve drawn one up and would love some support or reminders about it, or checking in after a period of time about how you’re going.
Think about strategies to avoid, or what things that aren’t care even if they feel good. For example, getting drunk or playing video games until 5am might be ok distractions for you sometimes but think carefully about whether they make you feel good longer term.
Set achievable goals. If the thought of completing one of these activities is overwhelming, try and think of something a bit more chill. You don’t have to do everything perfectly, this plan is about doing little things to make your days a bit easier to handle.
You can fill out the form below and it will be emailed through to you.
Having a self care plan doesn’t mean that we’re always going to feel great, or that we’re going to do everything on it all the time, but it helps us to plan for when we might be struggling a bit more and have some tools and ideas for care in place if and when that happens.
Now, why not go and do something loving for yourself <3